Well today wasnt akward at all. Went to hang with a friend for the first time. She so awesome! I really love having her in my life.
Iv been dreading this day all week.
She had asked me to come over to hang out and watch movies. I finally got to see Titanic and the Rocky Horror Picture Show!
The thing is, I used to have a major crush on her. And she knows that. She used to flirt with me alot (still does) and there were alotttt of confused feeling between us.
Im tehnically bisexual, but I go by gay alot now: its more in my comfort zone. She even told her parents I was gay and they trusted me to be in the house alone with her lmao.
There was the whole akward silence when we walked from the school to her house. Her brother (who is quite popular but I dont know him well) answered the door shirtless and all I could do was gawk. She and I laughed about that later after he apolgized. He told me he heard alot about me from the guy I go out with (unoffical) that sits next to him in math. Nice to know im well known
Any way, she and I went down stairs and sat on the couch as far as possible from each other Xb we started watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. That movie….just wow omg. I see why it was so popular in the 80s. alittle way through someone called her and asked what was up. She said she was with me watching a movie, and that person appernantly gave me the warning not to lay a hand on her. She laughed and hung up, sat down and layed her head in my lap. Thatt honestly made me really uncomfortable. she eventually moved and that was a relief.
Titanic was next! Good movie, never seen all of it before. By that time we were sitting really close, the akwardness mostly gone. The scene where the guy is about to hold the chick up over the front of the ship, I was just kinda like, screw it. I wrapped my arms around her and pretty much held her for the next 40 or so minutes. Kept my hands to my self though! The nudity scene was funny, I just cried “eww boobs!” and press my face into the side of her bra haha.
Do you ever get the feeling in your chest when your really happy, or when you anticipate something is about to happen? I hate that sometimes, because in a way I can predict certain moments. When you lean your head against someone elses and you basiclly nuzzle each other, I get that feeling. When you feel both your faces get in that slight turning motion and you just relize where its about to lead. That happens so much between us! I hate it! We get close and then we both relize thats not what we want and we stop that feeling seconds before its to late to turn back and ruin every thing between us. We have kissed in the past, and it created more harm than good at the time. Finally I had to leave, wich was sad. Wouldnt have minded to cuddle allittle bit longer. I got up and we shared a long very tight hug. And I relize then, I dont know my feelings for her, confusion just pulls over again.
My inner demon: I hate being a bisexual. The reason im not gay is because I havnt fully dropped old attachments. I want to give up on girls, and I have mostly. I have feelings for guys, and those are the only feelings I want. Its something I fight on a daily basis. People say its alright, and that I should just be able to love both sexes and they dont care either way. I do care, for somereason, it really affects me. My biggest fear: telling every one im gay…and then winding up in a relationship with a girl.
Thank you Aywas. I can see I put useless amount of dedication and time into this game. If the staff cant even answer emails asking for help for over the last two weeks, then I have no reason to be playing.
Why don’t you message a mod? I’ve never had issue with a Mod…
Wolffy: Iv emailed 4 times now to staff support link on the log In page. I cant message a Mod because I cant get in :/
